Sharing You With Memories
by your21
Summary: Set after New Moon. What if Edward never came back? Bella and Jacob are now boyfriend and girlfriend, but their relationship is a silent struggle as Jacob see's that he will never hold the same place in Bella's heart that Edward did.
1. Chapter 1

Yeah, I know the last thing I should be starting is a fan fiction when I have so many I need to update and finish...but alas, I was inspired and I could not control myself. Forgive me? Hope you like. This fan fiction is set after New Moon, however Edward never came back. Bella jumped off the cliff, but Alice didn't see it, and the wolves protected Bella from Victoria. No vamps. The chapters will alternate point-of-views. This first chapter is in Bella's, and the next will be in Jacob's. And so forth.

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**Sharing You With Memories**

_By Sara Elizabeth a.k.a. your21_

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"_There are times it seems to me, I'm sharing you with memories. I feel it in my heart, but I don't show it, show it….and then there's times you look at me as though I'm all that you can see, those times I don't believe, but I know it, I know it…"_

_**Prologue**_

It's been two years. That's what the calendar says, anyways. Sometimes, I'm not so sure. Has it really been two years since Sam found me shattered and broken laying on the forest floor, mourning the loss of the greatest love of my life? Yes, yes it has. According to this calendar it's been exactly two years since Edward abruptly decided it was a fine and dandy idea to leave me and make it "as if he never existed". He did a fairly good job, of course. Oh there's still pieces of him and the rest of the Cullen's lurking about. Memories here and there. Small shreds of evidence that this strange family that I knew to be vampires, did indeed exist and live in the small town of Forks, Washington. But sometimes, it's like one of those dreams you have when you're half awake and half asleep…is it real? Did that actually happen? I'm so torn sometimes, because half of me just wants all the pain to go away. I want the memories to fade…but my heart, the more dominant side of me, I want to remember it all. I want Edward Cullen back. I want to know it's real. That everything we shared was real. I want to go back to our meadow. I want to see Alice again. I miss her. I miss it all.

I tuck this all away and look at something else other than that lame calendar Charlie insisted on buying from some local charity to help raise money. Although today holds deep and painful memories for me, I must move on. If I think about it much longer, that empty hole will be back before I know it, aching with a vengeance.

Besides, I tell myself, later today I will get to see Jake. My sun, and as of three months ago, my boyfriend. Yes, Jacob Black, Forks very own werewolf boy is my boyfriend. I sometimes question my choice in men. Am I simply attracted to the supernatural or are they attracted to me? I think it's my fault. Something is seriously wrong with me. Honestly, why didn't I just say yes when Mike Newton asked me out? I would be leading a normal life now, if I did.

But in all honesty, it doesn't bother me that Jake is a werewolf. How could it, when Edward was a vampire? _Edward…_I push it back, only to bring it right back out. What is wrong with me?

The days are hard. I wish I could somehow transfer to the reservation school…but alas, they will not let me. Not that I tried. I mean, I know how those things work. It'd just be a lot easier if I had Jacob with me…time flows easier when I'm with him, and the pain…it's not so bad.

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School's out and I'm already driving my truck over to the reservation, so I can go to Jake's house. He's going to do some work on my crumbling truck, while I kick back and watch. And talk. We talk a lot when we're in the garage. It may sound kind of lame, but Jacob and I do a lot of talking. We never really go on dates….

He still knows to be careful. Jacob knows hiking isn't a good date idea, nor are movies, and he still makes sure not to listen to any music. He is so careful with me that it almost breaks my heart. His love is so deep, and it hurts. He shouldn't have to be so careful with me. Why can't I just be normal --- for his sake? But I'm not and I can't be…and Jacob is okay with this. He knew he was only getting a half person, a ghost.

I love him. I really do…but….

"Hey, Bells!" Jacob calls, as I pull up.

I smile at him, "Hey!" I hop out and go give him a hug and a quick kiss. "How's Billy doing?"

"Good. Says your Dad is supposed to come by later for dinner."

"Cool."

We talk a little more as we make our way to the garage. I see the bikes Jake and I used to ride together hidden away in the corner. Our little secret. However, I don't ride backs anymore nor do I do any more cliff diving. After nearly drowning myself and getting killed by Victoria, well, I decided it's best I keep safe. Besides…after some time, Edward's voice faded…even when I did something really dangerous. Like when I started speeding (as fast as my truck will go, anyway) towards a cliff. I could only faintly hear Edward's voice urging me to hit the breaks. _Don't do it,_ _Bella, _he whispered, _Stop._ But it was just a whisper, so I kept speeding on. I got closer and closer, but his voice never returned. Eventually, I hit the breaks.

I feel a fresh wave of memories begin to attack me. And I wonder, where would Edward and I be today if he never left. If he actually loved me like he said he did…before he took it back. Before he revealed it was all a lie. And stupid me, oh stupid, stupid, me. I can't believe I thought for one moment that someone as glorious as Edward could truly love me…but, I guess that's all over with. And wondering 'what if' wont get me anywhere.

"Bella, you there?" Jacob waved his hand in front of my face.

I can feel the hole in my chest again, and I start having difficulty breathing. It takes me a moment to regain my composure and I look up at Jake. "Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?"

Jacob looks at me with those sad, knowing eyes of his. "Nothing." He sighs deeply, and then smiles at me. "So, I was wondering…you don't have to…but there having this celebration here on the reservation. Native American heritage stuff and well…did you want to come hang out?"

"When is it?"

"Next week." Jake says as he goes to grab a tool sitting beside me.

"Sure."

"And Bella?"

"Yeah, Jake?"

He walks over and lays the tool aside, and kneels down so we're face to face. He looks so broken right now, and I feel bad. "I love you." He says these three words with such passion that it almost erases the pain I'm feeling. Almost.

"I love you, too, Jake."

I only wish I could say those words back with half as much passion as he does.


	2. Chapter 2

_You know I'd fight for you, but how can I fight someone who isn't even there?_

**Chapter One**

I see it, _him_, in her eyes all the time and it makes me sick. I get so angry that I want to punch something. Not Bella, of course. That bloodsucker is the one who deserves to be punched to a bloody pulp. Not that it's possible, but as a werewolf I could kill him. And oh, how I want to. Every time I see pain in Bella's eyes, I want to track down that bastard and make him pay for all that he's done. Bella is the most least deserving person for all this pain. Bells, she's a wonderful, pure girl. How could he hurt her like that?

I take a deep breath. I need to calm down. If I keep this up, I'll be losing another pair of nice jeans. No. He's not worth it. I walk into my living room to see Bella and Billy watching some family game show. Billy is calling out the answers, while Bella cheers him on. It's kind of cute. Quietly as can be, I sneak behind the sofa and wrap my arms around Bella. She jumps and lets out a little screech. Cute. I love her so much, but deep down…. I know she doesn't love me as much as I love her. It's a painful thing to recognize, but at least she does love me. I rather her love me a little than not at all.

"My boy," she smiles at me.

"I thought we already decided I'm older."

"Sure, sure." She said, picking up my phrase. I kissed her on the lips. She was shy about kissing me back with Billy in the room. Nevertheless, she gave me a quick peck back.

"You ready for the Pow Wow tomorrow?" Billy asked.

"Yes." Bella smiled.

As night fell, I invited Bella into my room. It was the first time I've done so without other people around. Charlie picked up Billy to go out to dinner at this new diner in Forks, so Bella and I were alone. Nobody seemed to view this as a potentially heated, dangerous situation. But I took full notice of the possibilities. After all, I am a man. And despite popular belief, women are just like us…just more modest about it. I can see longing in Bella's eyes, and I know she wants to do more than kiss. Of course, if she denies my advances, I'll take it like a gentlemen and lay off.

Bella followed me to my room, "Have a seat."

She smiled nervously at me. "Nice" She said while sitting down on my bed.

I take a seat next to her. "Bella, I thought maybe…maybe we could share something special tonight?"

She looked at me, then quickly looked away. Okay, I blew it. Maybe I should've kissed her first and got her all hot and bothered. But that's not fair. I want her going into it knowing what she is doing. Not letting her emotions take course. I want her to want me.

"Jacob…"

"We don't have to." I said quickly.

"No." She whispered, "I want to."

Carefully, she laid down on my bed looking at me expectantly. This was going to be both of our first times. Neither of us really knew what to expect. Oh, sure, we knew what sex was… but going about it on your own was a different story.

I hovered over her and slipped my hands inside her shirt. A place I've yet to explore. I kissed her as I caressed her breasts. Her kissing became weaker the more I caressed her. I had no idea I could have such power over her. I reached behind her and undid her bra; a difficult task if I do say so. Now, I was free to touch her naked breast. An experience that was both beautiful and arousing.

She pushed me off of her, alarming me. But it was only to pull her shirt off. I already had mine off, so she reached for my belt buckle. She unbuckled it, and clumsily both of us removed my pants. It wasn't elegant like in the movies, but realistic. It was still beautiful. Each moment. After my pants were removed her hand reached for something that was once forbidden, and grabbed it. She seemed pleased to discover that it was indeed hard. I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, Bells, I love you."


End file.
